Look for the Light

So much is on my heart and mind lately. I go back and forth on which direction I will choose to take. One day I say, “ I’m so over all the drama I will only post things that are happy and have nothing to do with anything that is debatable”. The next day I’m so heartbroken for our country and for people that I am about to burst and fear that I really might just explode if I don’t speak up for what I believe. I would assume most of the country can relate to those feelings. Today is a “I might explode” day and so rather than heading to facebook to post an all too lengthy status update, I will voice my feelings here. If you care to, feel free to comment your feelings below. I think that we all need a healthy place to let it all out sometimes. I only ask that you are kind and respectful.

As a photographer one of the most important things is to find the light. Lighting is everything! I mean it can make or break an images. I don’t know that I am an expert at this exactly but I do know that over the years what went from something that i paid little attention to…”ohhh, I love that tree with that fountain in the background, lets shoot there”, has turned into…” that sun is so harsh over by the fountain lets go to the sidewalk to get the soft reflection from it” I know it might sound silly to people who don’t think like that, it sounded silly to me before I tried it and got in the habit of looking for better light. Honestly, I would take great light in a hideous place over terrible light in the most beautiful place any day. As a portrait photographer this is fairly easy to control since you have a say in where to shoot, you can find the light. As a landscape photographer, also not horrible you just have to plan for the right time of day. As a wildlife photographer it is a constant challenge but who doesn’t love a good challenge. And then there are day when you just have to add some light, borrow it from something else if you will.

The photograph above was a last minute, don’t talk yourself out of it because you wont find the time again, attempt to capture something to submit to a monthly photography themed challenge. We started too late, the drive too longer than I had planned and the light was leaving way too fast. Normally I will go scout a location, find where the light will be hitting at the time we plan to be there and have it all mapped out. This time we were just going to wing it. With light being so crucial I knew I was in trouble, but tried to do the best I could. The results out of camera were not super awesome as you can see. I NEEEDDDD my light!

That brings me to what’e been on my heart. Some days, finding the light in this day to day drama is hard. No, I’m not talking about the sun or the shade of a tree anymore. I’m talking about the light that good people shine on the rest of us, the light we have inside each of us to shine and share with others. I don’t want to sound like a hopeless soul, because I’m not. However, this can be a dark and ugly world at times and social media is great at pointing that out. We are great at joining in the name calling or stone throwing. Once in a while though, I see a post where someone is just being kind, where people from different back grounds are embracing and smiling. Once in awhile I see people listening to each other and responding with a different view but with kindness.

I have toiled with the idea of leaving social media all together because it can be quiet depressing at times. Then the thought hits me, but if everyone who wanted change and light left, would things get better? I don’t want to be part of the drama but I also don’t think hiding away from the drama makes the world a better place.

All of this got me thinking about our sweet kiddos and some scriptures in the Book of Mormon that we have been reading. Now, this might be a stretch and I’m not one to claim to understand much about scriptures but here goes. We have been reading about this group called the stripling warriors. This was a group of young boys, who agreed to go out and fight for their freedoms but more importantly to me, fight with their friends who had been fighting to protect themselves and also these stripling warriors and their families. The saw the suffering and hardships this other group had been going through to protect them and wanted to do their part and share the burden. For those of you who may not know the story, this group of young men had fathers and their fathers had been some very wicked murderous people at one time in their lives. The had them become followers of Christ and at that point had made a promise to never pick up weapons against another person again. The fathers had stayed true to their promise and to what they believed was best for them so they didn’t fall back into habits that had brought them unhappiness. So, when these sons decided they wanted to fight, I imagine that the were met with some resistance. However, I also imagine they were brave and kind and respectful in their request to their families that they had not made the promise of their fathers and that the were ready to lift their neighbors and friends in defending their families and freedoms.

What does all that have to do with our kids? Or light for that matter? Well to be 100% real, I hate masks. Most of you know that. I have done my best to not wear one, I have spoken in support of those how have fought against them. That hasn’t changed. I was seriously wanting to keep my kids home this year and go the virtual or home school route. I wont lie there are still days I wonder if I made the right choice by letting them attend school. At my house we let them all choose. They know how I feel, I know how they feel. They all chose to attend public school. I shed many tears over that chose ( much like I would imagine the Stripling warriors mothers and fathers did in the beginning). Today though, as I dropped my kids off, I couldn’t help but see a light. A light that I was not looking for before maybe. I saw kids who were brave and kind and respectful. The were at school with their friends wearing masks because they had a battle that they were ready to fight. To me the masks are like weapons that had been buried in the ground because they are a danger to society. To these kids though they seemed like a weapon that they will gladly pick up in order to be out there on the battle grounds making sure that there is a tomorrow and a next year for themselves and for their kids. I was also in tears today but today they were the tears of a proud mother (much like the mothers of those Stripling Warriors I’m sure). My kids are brave and strong and resilient and obedient. I don’t believe it is a blind obedience, I believe they have the light of goodness in them and that they can see a greater purpose and are willing to do what it takes to be on that battlefield not hiding away or shutting doors because its too dark and ugly outside.

The picture below was with the help of borrowed light. I’m still not in love with the image, but I’m satisfied enough to submit it to the group challenge and call it a wrap. There will be days we just don’t have enough light, and we will need to borrow some. I’m learning to accept that and also understand the importance of keeping my light charged up so that I am ready and willing to give some of mine out to whom ever needs it…even if we don’t agree on everything.

Light makes all the difference in the world, let yours shine. You will not always be able to control a situation to find the best light, in those circumstances maybe you need to be the light. Rise up to the challenge, step away from the ugly and dark attacks. Lift and encourage others. Agree to disagree and look for things that you can agree on. Lift others and shine on!

Expect the Unexpected

The last Colorado National Park we went to was Mesa Verde National Park. I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting but it involved Indian dwellings, red rocks, and heat. As I have mentioned before, I am always looking for wildlife and green lush scenery. I mean it was the final Co. park so we had to go but to be honest, I was not expecting to be very impressed.

As we drove toward Mesa Verde, the area started to look just like I had imagined. It was dry and reminded me of places near where I live now. We pulled up to the park visitor center and as my family went into check it out and get information, the learned that most everything was closed down. I was aware before hand that due to the Covid stuff you couldn’t book tours to hike down into the ruins but this was more than that. We were told that basically every hike had been shut down due to fire concerns. Man this was off to a good start right?

Next we went to the general store to check in at our campground in the park. We were informed that we only had one night and not the two nights I was sure I had booked and paid for. The internet didn’t really work so I couldn’t pull up the reservations to verify so we decided we would just stay the one night, after all everything seemed to be closed down anyway. My husband returned to the store to finish the process and was then told that she had made a mistake and that we were there for 2 nights. I wasn’t really sure if I was glad or bummed. We were basically told to drive around and find a spot that wasn’t being used and claim it. Right away we came across a deer and then two very small fawns following behind. Maybe two nights would be ok after all.

The campground loop we first drove around was much more crowded than I was thrilled about, at least every spot with any amount of shade seemed to be taken. Once we found a spot that had shade and was away from nearly everyone and was within walking distance to the bathrooms, we unhooked and we were off to explore.

First and foremost, I was shocked at how green the area was. I mean I know green is literally in the name but I still wasn’t buying it. After we left the campground and went through a small tunnel we started to see lots of green bushes and trees. We also saw lots and lots of deer, a wild turkey and even a coyote. The buck here were some of the biggest I have ever seen. It was crazy how many deer we saw. We pulled into a few overlooks and then decided to take a couple of the walks that weren’t blocked off. We found that most of these short little under 1 mile walk were open just fine and it gave us plenty to do and plenty to look at. At several of the overlooks they provided those fun telescope things you used to have to put quarters in to use. The kids loved it!

The real jaw dropper though are the ruins. I mean it’s hard to explain but there was sort of a reverent feeling in the park. Looking at these old dwellings and being in awe of how they created these communities, how they survived living on the side of cliffs, and where they all disappeared to, was all very interesting. It left our group with lots to talk about and wonder. It is really a place you have to experience and no pictures will ever quite capture the feelings you will have standing there.

I would very much recommend this park and the campground in the park. The campground has hot showers that were clean, spacious and not on a timer. There is a general store and also a cafe that serves an all you can eat pancake and bacon/ sausage breakfast ( honestly one plate was more than enough). There was also a huge amphitheater that I assume they use when parks are at full operating condition. Over all it was a hit for our family. Have you been? What was your favorite part of the park?

Black Canyon of the Gunnison

The next stop on our trip was the Gunnison Co. It’s a cute town with lots of recreation areas. We stayed at the Lakeside RV park so that we could get a nice shower and get some electrical hook ups and water and what not. We are campers but even the best of campers need some cleaning up after a few days. The Rv park isn’t something I typically look for or reserve a spot at, I like to be far away from people and enjoy the sounds of nature not people but, this was a great stop over. The showers were great, and the location was perfect.

As I had mentioned in a previous post, it was thunderstorms and rain in the evenings here too but that didn’t stop my kids from wanting to get in the lake that was located directly across the street from the Rv park. While the water was cold, the kids didn’t seem to mind as they got right in and swam around until mom got a little worried about all the lightning.

The next morning we were hooked up and ready to make our move to Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park ( it has got to have one of the longest national park names out there right?). We headed right for the south campground in the park where we were staying for the next couple of days. I have mixed emotions and reviews about the campground itself but the park was super interesting.

The campground was tight and tough for big rigs to get into but that comes with having a long trailer. The spots however, were right on top of each other. The did have some oak brush, or whatever, that sort of divided spots but you could see and hear everything your neighbor was doing, and it was full so you were surrounded. We were very close to the Amphitheater which was nice. The ranger held a cool vulture talk that my kids really enjoyed, and the stars were AMAZING. There were deer in the campground and I wouldn’t not stay there again but it also wont be on my “gotta get back there” list.

The park itself was totally interesting though. The top south half had lots of cool scenes to look at as you looked down the canyon of black walls. There were lots of fun scribbles in the rocks from years of wind rain and settlement ( or something like that, I’m very much not a rock expert). The park offers many observation points were you could pull out an view from the parking lot or take a short walk to a view point.

The crown jewel for me though was the East Portal. It was a long and windy road down the canyon to the base along a river. The bottom looking up was breathtaking and cool and refreshing with the water flowing by. There were many people along the water fishing and of course my kiddos had to try their hand at it. It just had a very relaxed feeling. There were info stations along the road side that told about the old community of about 250 people that once lived there. It was crazy to think they had a school and homes down along this river. I find all of that sort of thing very interesting when you compare it to the very quiet and homeless area it is today.

If you ever are in area, I would definitely make a stop to this national park. It could be done in a day or take a few days to really relax and take in some hikes.

Great Sand Dunes

After we left Rocky Mountain National Park, we headed to Great Sand Dunes National Park to check it out. I will say of all the Colorado parks we hit, this was probably at the bottom of my list. Don’t misunderstand, I am glad we went, and it was massive. I hear that certain times of the year there is water that runs through it and that would have been super cool to have seen and been able to play in but alas, we missed that window and just had “melt your feet off” hot sand.

In fairness, we didn’t hit even a big portion of the park. We didn’t have an off road vehicle and so we had to stick to the safe and trusty paved roads. The Great Sand Dunes park is so much more than just the dunes from what I understand now and if we ever head back that way, I will plan on taking something a little more “adventure” friendly than my van. So, future tips for me and anyone else planning on attending….plan for a time before the water drys up, and plan to take some dirt roads!

While we were there, my family came across a few holes that had been dug where the river had come through not long ago. The bottoms of these holes had puddles of water that everyone seemed happy to dip their feet in after walking down the dunes back toward their cars. One more tip, wear shoes. Lots of people had flip flop but mad that sand was hot and people were dancing and running to find shade or cooler sand.

Another thing we saw tons of, and would have been fun to have had, is sand boards. I looked into them briefly but the thing is ( and the are missing a huge money maker imo), they don’t rent the boards at the park. They are available in a few places outside of the park but nothing super close, we are talking like 30 to 60 mins away. I wish they had rented them at the visitors center but since they didn’t, and we didn’t know the area well. we passed on that chance. However, there were so many people who had them, I guess their system works just fine.

After we finished playing in the sand, we headed down the road to a short waterfall hike. The turn off from the park wasn’t far, maybe 5 miles. However, the road to the falls was terrible! I mean one of the bumpiest dirt rads we have been on and we have been on a lot of dirt roads. There were several times I almost had my driver, aka husband, turn around. This is a very well traveled road and many people were coming and going but it was rough to but it mildly. We did eventually make it t the trail head along with everyone else in that part of Colorado. The hike is .5 miles and would be easy for an avid hiker. Personally, I struggled. It was really hot and it seemed up hill the entire way. We did find a bench or two along the way and that helped. ( I am the worst baby about inclines so I’m probably being a but dramatic).

Once we made it to the water, it was time for shoes and socks to get wet or to come off. Mine opted to ditch them. The rocks were slippery and the water was cold but it was the easiest part of the hike. we walked a short while ( maybe a small block if that) over boulders and rocks in a very shallow stream to the base of the falls. It was very pretty but still so many people you had to sort of wait in line to see it or to get a picture. I waited patiently, finally it was my turn but i felt rushed and didn’t have the right lens for how tight the space was. I grabbed this shot but mostly just hurried to move out of the crowds way.

On the way home we went on another adventure since my gps wanted to take us back through the crazy private dirt road it brought us in on, on that route we found the cutest baby antelope which sort of was the best part of the day.

Over all, like I said, I am glad we made it there. I probably wont head back but if I do, it will not be in the middle of summer. One more National Park checked off the list though!

Rocky Mountain Magic

We managed to plan a trip to see all 4 National parks in the state of Colorado. It would have been awesome to spend some more time at some of the places however trying to fit them all in left us with only a few days at each place. I will just jump right into it.

Tuesday we drove from a fun little town called Craig Co. to an amazing little camp group near Grand Lake Co. It was very close to the park and beautifully located right on a lake. The Green Ridge Campground wasn’t super private and lacked shade trees but, the location made it somewhere I would stay again in a heartbeat. The bathrooms were clean and the kids were able to walk to the lake to try their hand at fishing one morning. There are also trails that are park of Rocky Mountains trail list located directly across the dam at the lake. Seriously this place was great and I would recommend. If you are planning a trip and can’t reserve a spot in the park to camp….this is the place you want to be!

After we set up camp we headed right to the park. It took less than 10 minutes to get to the west entrance and before we even got to the visitor center or entrance booth, we we blessed to see 2 female moose right on the road side. One thing to mention is that you are required to have a reservation to enter the park currently. We had made sure that we had our reservation printed out and ready. There was hardly a line at all to enter the park and it went very smoothly.

My kiddos love to take part in the Junior Ranger programs at each park we go to and try to earn their badge. We were a little afraid with many placed being closed that they would have to miss this part of their experience while in Co. but to our great pleasure all by Mesa Verde had packets ready for kids to pick up and badges handed over to parents to hold onto until all requirements were met. Rocky Mountain went above and beyond with an adorable little backpack, binoculars, work book and pencil.

Once we had books in hand and had made our way past the gate, we were off to explore the park. None of my family had been here before ( or at least not that we could remember). We found several more moose including a young bull moose and a handsome buck deer along our drive through the parks west side. We also stopped to take a small hike were we were able to see a beautiful mother moose and baby resting in the trees right along the trail, a huge herd of Elk off in the distance, a large male elk with a beautiful rack, and another female moose grazing in the meadow. It was a great first stop.

The park was full of moose and elk. We were also happy to find big horn sheep and some fun mice looking things ( I’m terrified of mice but these were fat adorable little things almost like chinchillas or something). We saw several waterfalls and beautiful steams and lakes.

On two occasions we were lucky enough to have massive bull moose walk right by us, so close I was a tad worried they were going to try to get in our vehicle! I would love to put this warning out there though, Wild animals are wild. We have a duty to give them space when we can. Please do not chase animals and always give them room to go where they were trying to go. I will add an image of a someone who needed to get an extra close up I guess and it could have turned very ugly very fast but lucky for him, this moose simply wanted to get away from people and get to the other side of the road. Be careful and watch from a safe distance please.

Honestly, Rocky Mountain was beautiful and I would love to go back to visit maybe in a different season. Being there during the elk rut sounds like a dream come true. If you plan to visit this park keep in mind that you need a reservation, the weather was perfect in July and we had rain every single day. The afternoons were filled with storms and we loved it. I assume it gets cold rather early in the fall but I would imagine it is gorgeous and the colors would be something else but summer was nice an cool and pleasant. The east side was full of people hitting all the most beautiful spots in the park, spots we didn’t end up seeing due to how many people filled the parking lots. In the off season I’m sure these spots are well worth stopping for but I would suggest staying on that side of the park since the drive from one side to the other is quite long and it would be best to focus your efforts on each side on different days.

Have you been to Rocky Mountain National Park? What are your favorite things about the park? Where do you like to spend your time? I would love to use all of your tips for my next trip there.

Not Knowing What to Say

This blog is getting more and more personal and frankly, I’m not sorry about it. I have become comfortable in the idea that this blog is more for me than for anyone else and that I will never have hundreds of followers or readers. I used to measure my worth as a photographer by how many people would comment or like my images, by how many prints I could sell or sessions I could book. To be completely honest, it left me feeling like I was a horrible photographer. Luckily I had a support group who kept telling me not to quit and not to give up. They would remind me of how good they thought I was. With all the encouragement I assumed I needed to keep pushing though and trying to get this business to take off. Recently, I learned that not giving up and changing directions can be the same thing. I shifted my focus and now I can enjoy what I love to do. I can photograph when and where I want to because it speaks to my heart. With that, I can posts what I feel in my soul and not worry too much about losing potential clients.

This new vision hasn’t come without lots of doubt or hesitation. Being and artist is hard. It leaves you very open and raw. The door is wide open for critiques. This post today is about being real and open and honest and really has nothing to do with my art but it’s about me and maybe, just maybe, it can help someone else which is always my goal. I just want the world to be a better place tomorrow and the next and the day after.

At the beginning of our July travels as my family drove toward Lehi Utah something happened. I started to get a huge headache, nothing abnormal as I suffer with headaches on a very very regular basis. Shortly after I took some medicine to help with the pain, my 8 year old daughter woke in tears from a nap. We got her back to sleep only to have my 13 year old daughter ask for something to help her headache. This is uncommon for her but again we were travelling and I didn’t think much of it. Next my 13 year old son started crying heavily ( yes I’m sure he is thrilled to have that info our into the world). At this point I knew everyone was just feeling a bit car sick and it was taking its toll. Luckily we were about to a stop to run into a store and we could get out of the car for a bit.

We pulled into the parking lot and out piled kids. My older daughter started to make her way to the store, I was trying talk with my younger daughter who was in tears again. I looked up to see where my older daughter had made it to, and noticed she was on the ground crying. My husband got my youngest daughter and my youngest son out and safely seated on the ground in the shade because they felt dizzy. He quickly then went and got my older daughter off the ground where she had passed out and got her to her feet. She struggled to walk to the car but made it with his help. She was having a hard time and felt very dizzy. My other daughter felt like she was going to throw-up. I was feeling a little of both but I was not worried. Next I remember turning to talk to my older daughter and then I remember my ankle was burning from resting on the hot asphalt and then I could faintly hear my husband trying to talk to me. I don’t remember a lot but I was finally able to come to enough to get up and into the car where I could sit down. It was very hard for me to stay awake, I felt so tired.

It was obvious something was off more than just car sickness at this point but what? We wondered if it was food poisoning or what. My husband and older son where not ill luckily. It was confusing especially in my current state of mind to make any sense of it. We aired out for awhile, took some car sickness meds, threw out any food we had been snacking on, and went and got some dinner. Still not sure what had happened but being strangely calm about it, we continued on. I had the feeling we needed to continue on with the windows down and fresh air filtering through the car. I know this was instruction directly given from the lips of a Heavenly Father who loves me and my family. We made it to our resting spot for the night and all slept well.

The following day as I thought about it more clearly, I remembered the last trip our family took to Az in April. We had had a similar experience with everyone having headaches and feeling nauseous. My youngest was throwing up and my two older daughters and youngest son were in serious tears with throbbing headaches. It dawned on me that the two trips could have related issues. We ended up getting a carbon monoxide alarm the next day and sure enough, when we pull our trailer with our van, somehow the carbon levels go a bit crazy.

I debated on blogging about this for a few reasons. First, I do feel parental guilt. I’m supposed to keep these kiddos safe and yet my love of travel seemed to be getting close to killing them. I took it on my already full plate as something I had done and was my fault. Second, I know the Lord blessed and watched over us during that trip as well as many others before that one. I know that I was calm because the Holy Ghost was comforting me. I know that we were able to continue one our trip because of the inspiration to travel with the windows down and also to check for carbon levels. These feelings aren’t super popular and sometimes they are scary to share for me. I don’t want to start a debate or come off as some spiritual giant when that just isn’t the case even if I wish it was. Third, this story is mine. It hopefully will never happen to anyone else I know so whats the point? This is how I approach a lot of things I want to say or not to say. Is there any good that will come from saying this? Then it becomes a bit more self centered, “ will people feel sorry for me? Will they think I’m trying to get victim sympathy? “ Usually those thoughts keep me from saying things or telling people of experiences I’ve had.

The flip side of those arguments are: First, This wasn’t my fault. It happened. I am a good mother who is trying to have my kids experience all the beauty and joy of the world as well as see life outside of just Utah. Second, the only one I need to worry about offending is my Heavenly Father. I believe in giving credit where credit is due with other people so why question doing it with God? I need to be better about acknowledging His hand in things. Third, this could have been anyone. I hope it isn’t, but if you notice your family trips being full of headaches ( not the kind from kids looking at each other or breathing in the same direction of someone else), take a closer look. The alarm I bought was a battery operated one that cost like 25 bucks maybe. I don’t need pity or sympathy but if this message helps even one person and I have to to endure some pity to save someone, I’ll take one for the team this time.

Sometimes saying something, even if you aren’t quite sure how to say it right, is better than saying nothing at all. This image is of the carbon alarm during one of its highest numbers, at the time of this alarm non of us felt sick. We have no idea how high the carbon monoxide number was when we got sick or how long we had been breathing in it but I’d guess the number was pretty high and for quite a bit of time. Listen to your bodies. Be safe, be kind.

Family Time

Ok lets be 100% honest. Sometimes the idea of spending a long weekend with extended family seems well, less fun than the dentist. Please tell me I’m not the only one. I mean don’t get me wrong family is great but 4 days and nights surrounded buy them can be overwhelming for personalities like mine. I need lots of quiet down time to recharge from short spans of time surrounded buy lots of people and activities.

My husbands side of the family has a reunion every year. It’s a large gathering with over 100 people, I think one year it was close to 250. It is a weekend packed full of activities and fun and people. I look forward to it every year and can’t wait to see the people we haven’t seen in a year. The kids all grow up too fast and it’s fun to see them excited to be there as they get into the “ I hate everything” years of their life. I hope that most of my children will continue the tradition and bring their children as they start the next phases of their life….whenever that may be.

This year we headed up in the mountains near Vernal Utah and it was sooooo much cooler than at home. That alone made it a more relaxing and enjoyable year. The real thing that made this year special though was that my husbands brothers and sisters were all there and they had their kids and all the cousins loved playing with each other almost as much as the parents loved watching and listening to them. Grown ups played games and ate s’mores right along side of all the kids. I wasn’t stressed this year. I did take an evening drive each night to check out the local wildlife and I’m sure that quiet time helped.

If you ever have the chance to head up to Vernal Utah I highly recommend taking not only a trip to Flaming Gorge but also to Ashley National Forest. It is beautiful and we saw lots of dear and elk and even saw a MOOSE! The weather was amazing and other than getting eaten by mosquitoes, I couldn’t have asked for a better place to camp

Now more than ever I am grateful for the relationships that I have. I am grateful for family and can see now, as they are being torn, apart why Jason’s Great Great Grandparents were so determined to start this tradition and to let their kids know that they were to continue it no matter what! As I enter the phase of my life where my kids are starting to move out, I see the need to make sure we don’t all go too far in our own separate ways. I have started thinking of ways to make sure my kids all get together now and then. Luckily I have been blessed to be a part of this HUGE reunion each year and it has given me some great ideas on how to move forward as I plan for my little family. If you would like some ideas or tips on how to host a fun camping family reunion, feel free to reach out or comment here and I will do my best to offer any knowledge I have!

Here are some of my favorite images from this year. Click through the slides to get to see them all.

Comets and Stars...The Sky is Falling

Remember my goal of posting something 2 times a week? Well, life happened. The month of July started with a big and much needed family reunion, which lead into a Colorado National Parks trip and now I am finally back home and ready to share some of my amazing adventure with you. The most amazing part or being away from your personal axis point ( you know where everything sort of revolves and happens all around) is that you get new perspective. This is one of the top reasons I love to travel and to get away from the internet and the news and, as harsh as it is, people in general. I like the fresh air and the fresh ideas.

Let me first start my series of adventure blog posts not where the trip actually began, but somewhere in the middle. One of the nights we camped in the South Campground at a park called Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park. I will go into more travel details in another post but for now I want to focus on the night sky. Man there were a lot of stars visible from there! We had a lot of evening rain and so I never thought much about getting out and checking out the sky each night ( figuring there would be a lot of cloud coverage and all). However, one night as my family sat around a campfire and read our scriptures for the day, i noticed the big dipper perfectly framed by a tree above my head. I bet your are wanting to see that awesome picture I took right? Well, I never took that picture. I’m not sure why, sometimes I just don’t feel that drive to go and grab my camera. There are times I just want to be in that moment and nowhere else. Anyway, so shortly after we finished up I was walking with my daughter to the bathroom and we were talking and looking at the stars and I noticed the comet everyone has been talking about. The NEOWISE comet is something I know very little about but had seen enough to know that was what it was. My daughter was less impressed with the comet and more impressed with the Milky Way, both beautiful in that night sky.

During this time, my daughter mentioned that she wanted her room to look like the Milky Way. I decided I would try to grab a few shots of it, and the comet who is now gone from site for a very long time. I had this idea that if I could get a good enough shot of the Milky Way, I could blow it up and basically wallpaper her room with it. In reality I wont ever get around to doing it, not to mention that she is just starting out her teen years and before long she will want “cooler” things than her moms photography covering her room. However, I took the shots anyway.

I am not an astro-photographer by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t have the patience or the interest to take the time to really learn all the technical skills that go into it. I have friends who are masters at it, I will leave it to them from a professional stand point. That doesn’t stop me from taking a few now and then just for myself and in this case, for history sake with the comet. After struggling a bit to get anything semi decent, I finally got some that you could at least tell they were stars. I called it a night.

On the back of me camera, you know that little rectangle that is smaller than your palm, the pictures looked pretty good I wont lie. My family was impressed but I knew they weren’t going to be great once I could see them on my computer. Still, I was proud of myself for trying.

Here is where I want to focus my thoughts today. I, and I believe many of you, want to do things perfectly. I want to do things to make the world a better place, a prettier place, a happier place, a kinder place, and the list goes on and on and on….like forever. However, when I let myself believe that things have to be perfect to have any affect on those goals, I fail completely. How many of us have those beautiful art pieces that hang on our walls, or on our refrigerator from our sweet children? I have a friend who has started mixing her art as a photographer with her children’s paintings and I just adore the pieces she is creating. ( Please go check out her stuff, it’s amazing and should be seen by the whole world. https://www.instagram.com/p/CDFBVxngu6N/?igshid=pmj1f23ij1c8 or her instagram is @themasonandhaileyshow ) Needless to say, most child art isn’t perfectly technical, sometimes it’s even hard to tell if it’s an elephant or just the next drawing of “mommy and her super squishy belly”. From time to time the ocean is purple and the sun is green but honestly who cares? We as parents love those extensions of our children and their thoughtfulness right? Perfection is the least of our thoughts when we open up that new card from our 7 year old who now has marker covering every little chubby finger tip. Personally, I would be bored if each of my children’s work was all perfect and uniform. I love the creativity, and the unique vision and skill set each of my kids has shared with me over the years.

So, with that in mind I want to share a couple of night sky shots knowing full well they are not great but that with what literally feels like the world falling in all around us, it is my humble attempt to find beauty and peace in it. With that said, I am learning to accept that my definition of perfect has been strongly based on what I see others do and how I compare myself to them. This is a flawed idea and I’m trying to leave it in the past, I encourage others to do the same. Perfection starts and ends with us. Are we being true to who we are? Are we doing the best with what we know? Are we taking steps toward becoming better tomorrow than we are today? I know that I will not achieve total perfection in this life span.

Just as the images here as well as the ones from my friend Jenny may not be technically perfect, they are part of our story and part of where we are in the journey of life and to me, that seems to be perfectly right were we are supposed to be!

Stop, Take Chances, Embrace Change

So this year is weird right? It seems to be throwing something new at us every way we turn. Some of that has been hard and some of it has been AWESOME for my family. Change in general isn’t something I eagerly seek out, I assume most people don’t. However, change can be the answer to our prayers.

I took this photo several months back. My daughter and I were taking a casual drive to Zion National park, something we do frequently in every season but the summer. We were about done and ready to head home. The way home crosses this pretty iconic bridge in the park that has become a photographers hot spot and for good reason. I mean it’s really hard to take a bad shot here. I drove across the bridge saw the sun starting to set and the 50 people lined up to take their million dollar/ million followers, shot and I kept driving.

To be honest, I get annoyed at this spot. Like i said it is beautiful. It’s hard to turn this spot into an ugly picture so there is some element of comfort in that but, it’s what everyone one else is doing. I don’t know why there is that side of me that doesn’t want to be part of the crowd, do the things everyone else is doing, or “trend”, but it’s there and has been for as long as I remember. So, since everyone takes this shot, it’s my least favorite place in the park to shoot. Since everyone that has ever been to Zion seems to have this shot hanging on their wall, in their “pictures” folder, or they have this posted on their social media, I immediately move on 99% of the time I drive by it. That day was no different.

The sky had different plans though. My daughter and I kept driving like I said and we didn’t get too far from the spot and the sky started to explode with colors. We pulled into a parking lot and I thought, I will just shoot from here. Those shots came out well, and I’m happy with them. However, that feeling in the back of my mind to go back to the bridge didn’t go away so we turned around and became one with the masses.

I intentionally didn’t bring my big girl camera on this trip. I sometimes feel like when I bring it, I’m working and sometimes I just want to get away from everything and enjoy face to face, not face to lens, time with my family. This was one of those times. I did of course have my handy dandy cell phone though so why not. I took all these sunset shots in a beautiful location with a beautiful sky but I wont lie, I was disappointed that I only had my cell phone. I mean I struggle with my phone camera. I know so many people are killing it right now with their phone cameras but I am not those people.

I posted pictures of our day on social media. It was shared over 1.3k times. I know for some people that may not be a lot but for me, it was roughly about 1.250k’s more shares than any of my other posts. This crazy, run back and snap a few with a cell phone I hardly know how to use, post was being seen around the world and people were liking it. I needed to change my mindset.

It’s hard to not get caught up in the “I should have been better” race. We all do it in some way or another. Sometimes it’s in the form of “I wish I had more”, or “I’m not as good as…”. It comes in a lot of different ways but no matter how it comes, it steals something from us. On the day of this shot and many more to follow, those thoughts stole some joy from me. I felt like because this wasn’t taken on a fancy camera that has taken me a lot of work to learn, that they were not good enough. Even worse than that, I felt like since these cell phone shots were more popular than anything else I had produced, that I was a fraud as a photographer. Looking back now, I’m not proud of those thoughts.

I want each change to be something I can learn and grow from. It took me months but now I can see that in that moment, on that day, I did the best I could with what I had. I took an opportunity that my pride fought me on and shot in a place that would be common. I used gear that I haven’t mastered and don’t usually get very good results from. I pushed myself to step outside of my comfort zone. The world applauded me ( ok so a small, small portion of the world) for it, yet at the time I still felt sad about it.

This experience, several others, and now the covid/race wars can be scary. They can be out of our comfort zone for sure. There is something wonderful about accepting ourselves for doing the best we can with that we have, and learning to love ourselves and then see where we can become better and work on that. This life was never meant to be one main event. It is built on many many many small events that help us prepare for the next event and help us get to a position to help other people, even if it is as simple and silly seeming as a sunset picture to remind people there is still light and beauty in the world.

Keep Swimming

I belong to a group of amazingly talented, and sometimes frustrated, photographers. A friend of mine suggested that we start a monthly theme challenge to get us out of our head a bit and shooting more creatively and less because someone was paying us to do so. Great idea right? So, someone offered up a poem as our first theme to be interpreted how ever we choose, it’s art and it’s all subjective right?

I was so excited about this at the end of last month. This was going to be amazing. I could basically do whatever I wanted with this theme. I had an idea, one I really really liked. I was super stoked that I actually came up with an idea and also, my idea was sort of great ( well to me anyway). Then the world all kind of fell apart. You know, you’re in it. Everyone is so angry and friends are mad at each other and people can’t be kind unless they agree 100%. It’s been hard on me, on you, on everyone. My idea seemed way less awesome now, and way more frightening. I started to think about how silly it was and how it could be taken the wrong way. I shut down and honestly, tried to forget I had committed to this project and to my group of friends. I spent the entire month avoiding it and feeling like nothing I could shoot would make any difference and that it would all be just more noise in a world that is far too loud right now.

The project was due yesterday. About a week ago ( 5 days to be exact) I decided I owed it to my friends to be active in our group and to participate. I know some of them are having a rougher time than I am and they may not be able to produce anything, I wanted to be able to offer some inspiration. I know that some months it just wont be in the cards for me to do it either but this month, it was. I was simply afraid to do it. Those negative voices that tell almost every artist that they aren’t good enough, were working on me but I intentionally and, while late to the game, actively didn’t let them win.

The interesting thing to me is that when I was a child I don’t remember being afraid of things like rejection or being subpar. I used my imagination and created amazing things. There is a beautiful quote that says:

“Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were, but without it we go nowhere.”

― Carl Sagan

How powerful is that truth? I mean, my daughter may not have a real life tail but I’m not going to tell her that she isn’t part mermaid if that’s what keeps her swimming.

We started this group to keep us creative and to give us a place that we can do exactly what we want without any one telling us it’s not what they wanted. I hope that I can be better at allowing myself to venture into worlds that don’t exist and build a bridge between them and the world we live in. I think we could all use a bit more mermaid shells, unicorn horns, and fairy dust to get us to a better place. Here is to my goal to keep on swimming following my beautiful mermaid child.

Beauty in Each Season

Sometimes coming up with something to write is tough. All the normal self doubt questions that everyone faces each time they put themselves out there pop up: “Will it be something anyone else cares about?”, “Will I offend someone?”, “Will people make judgments about me because of what I say or don’t say?”, “Will I remember to proof read this time and fix errors or will people think I have a 3rd grade education?”. You know, the stuff that keeps us from doing things sometimes. The problem with all these doubts are that most of them to some extent are valid and even truthful fears and realities. Most people probably wont care about this blog or even ever see it. There is an extra good chance someone wont like what I say and become offended ( it’s the way most of the world works these days). Even if I proof this post, I will miss things, I will type poorly, and my grammar will have mistakes and I will most likely spell a few things wrong. The truth that I fail to recognize a lot of times is that, someone will care. I will encourage or inspire someone. Most people don’t read to find error and will over look or not even notice my mistakes in writing this.

I’ve noticed that the self doubt voices get louder as I get older and the confident reassuring ones are much harder to hear. I remember being a teen and truthfully not caring what others thought in regards to who I was. I was going to do me no matter if it was popular or not. Then as I grew into a young mother, I became more confident with who I was. I liked me. I was strong and determined. I could face whatever challenge I was dealt with grace and power. Fast forward to now, midlife, mostly kids are teens and or young adults themselves, and man life got flipped upside down for me. I grew up believing as you age your become more comfortable in your skin. I am certain that for a lot of people that is true but that isn’t my journey.

Each season has taught me things about me but this current season has really brought me to a place where I am aware of others and the idea that their seasons may be different than mine. They may be going through a harsh winter or a warm summer. Someone might be leisurely walking through a field of wild flowers with all the colors and smells of spring or they could be stressing about not having the money for the turkey they are expected to have on the table soon. The point is that we are all in a different place and going through so many different things and it’s not as cut and dry as I used to think.

I sometimes hate where I am at in my adventure of life. I mean I think we all do at points. For me it’s like hiking Kannaraville Falls in Southern Utah. This hike is beautiful and by most peoples definition not a tough hike. For me, it’s not easy but it’s not impossible. There are a few places with an incline and a decline but the most challenging part for me is the ice cold water. At first it’s cold. Next, it’s painfully cold. Finally, if you are lucky, your feet go numb and it’s ok. As an adult, I know what I am going into when I go and I can just “suck it up” so to speak. As a mother, watching my kids hike it, I was in a lot of pain for them. I had one child who was in tears it hurt so badly. My heart broke, I thought about turning around, I even got angry one time. I had warned them. They had known that this was going to be an issue. It didn’t change the feelings they had though and I felt/feel embarrassed that I was ever angry at my child for feeling something. We continued on and she started to feel better or complain less. We made it to the falls and then continued on some.

We went through some stuff on that hike. We had sad moments, we had fun moments, and we saw a beautiful fall. My kids would go back in a heartbeat. That’s how the seasons of life are for me. Some of them have been amazing, and fearless. Others have been hard, cold, and painful. They all have their lessons and their rewards though. I wouldn’t have seen many of the things I have, been able to connect with people the way I have, or grown in the ways I have without walking through the good and the tough parts of these seasons.

Try to embrace each season, take it all in. Learn, grow, help someone along the way. Winter, spring, summer, fall, I really do love them all.

Room to Grow

I clearly remember the first bear I saw in the wild ( well at least the first time as an adult anyway). My husband and I were on our first trip to Yellowstone National Park together. We had both been before but as children so this was sort of like a first for both of us. I remember being so excited to go but also having no clue what to do, where to stay, or what to expect. There was definitely some nervous excitement going on. I had asked friends for all the tips and planned the best I could for what I knew.

I honestly had no idea how many animals were in the park. I was just like any of the first time tourists you would expect to see. We drove up this long road lined with a million trees. We saw a raging river and then some interesting hot springs, an elk, and a gorgeous lake. As we traveled up the road toward the north end of the park, we saw a sign. It warned us of the danger of bison. I got excited. If there is a sign there must be some chance to see one right? Shortly there after we saw something. It was on the other side of the river and it looked sort of like a huge rock. It wasn’t moving. It wasn’t close, and still I was sure it was something. My husband pulled over and we got out the binoculars ( yep scoping out the bison). Sure enough we found one! I was thrilled with our discovery. I look back now and laugh at how excited we were to see one bison far in the distance. If you have never been to Yellowstone, you may not understand the humor in my excitement.

We drove on after watching this big guy do absolutely nothing for quite awhile. As we headed up around the next bend, we came to a place called Hayden Valley. As soon as the road turned into this valley we saw literally hundreds of these amazing and beautiful Bison. They covered the hillside to our left. We came to a parking spot that was rather full of other visitors. I mean there were cars sort of everywhere but we were lucky to get a spot to pull into. Then we saw it. This beautiful grizzly grazing in the valley on the opposite side of the road. He was digging at the ground and eating as he walked. The crowd got bigger and crazier. There were drivers who were so impatient. Slow drivers were trying to catch a glimpse of what everyone was looking at. One driver just decided to go off-roading into the dirt and bushes, on the side of the bear and fly past everyone.

As we watched this bear, that you could see with your naked eye, I couldn’t help but wonder if this person had even seen it. I mean it couldn’t have been 150 yards away from the road at the time ( honestly I’m horrible at distance but I’m guessing a little more than a football field away). Had he or she been in such a rush they had missed it or were they so used to it that they didn’t care anymore? We had just seen a bison and I was stoked but then we came to the next spot and saw hundreds of them. Maybe that was the way it was for this driver and they just became numb to the excitement.

We continued to watch this beautiful animal. There were tons of people and several rangers making sure people stayed a safe distance away. I mostly stayed right by my car door so I could jump in at any time he decided to try to come eat me. ( I have a very healthy fear of bears). I remember snapping about a million pictures. At the time I had my canon rebel t3i i think. I was shooting with a 75-300 mm kit lens.

This amazing animal got to a point in his journey were he wanted to go “play” with the bison across the road. You could see he was getting a bit anxious because of the amount of people and cars in his way. I mean the road was lined with people safely parked, not so safely parked on the side of the road ( but not totally off the road), people who were “driving” but really not moving anywhere ( some because the were watching and others because the couldn’t go anywhere due to the stopped traffic). Where there weren’t cars, there were people…people who were trying to keep creeping closer to get a better shot.

At one point this guy stood straight up to try to find a way across the road. I got this shot. He eventually made it to the other side were he tried to chase the bison around a bit. Finally he realized he was no match for a whole heard of these 6 ft tall, 1500 lb animals with horns. He wandered off, no doubt to find somewhere away from people and to look for his next meal.

While I was excited to have witnessed the whole entire thing, I still had lots of negatives going through my head. What was that drivers deal? It honestly still bugs me and this was in May of 2015. I also, couldn’t help but wish I had owned a better camera, and a better lens. I was struggling to allow myself to just be happy with what I had and what I saw and what my husband and I had experienced together. We continued our journey and I silently sort of stewed. We saw many more bears that day and heards and heards of bison. We saw antelope and elk. We saw roughly a million ( probably exaggerating a bit) canadian geese.

We stopped the next day to get souvenirs and mostly ice cream, from a gift shop. I stood behind a cute older couple who were talking to the cashier about how they have been coming to Yellowstone for about 8 years and had never seen a bear. In my head I was shocked. We had been in the park 2 day and had seen like 9 bears I think. In that moment I think I checked the attitude of wishing I had more at the door. Do I think this is my best bear image I’ve shot? Absolutely not. Would it have been awesome to have better gear at the time this bear decided to put on the show. Of course! However, I have this image. I was in this moment with what I had and it is a way cooler shot and memory than the ding dong who flew past it all and missed out. This image brings me back to this time and all the excitement of making memories with my husband.

I learned a lot of lessons from this experience. I learned to be grateful for experiences we are blessed with even if things could have been better. I learned to keep my eyes open so that I don’t miss some of the beautiful moments just off the road, or maybe just waiting for me to slowdown. I learned that sometimes like my friend here, the path to get where we want to go, is hard and thick. Sometimes we need to stretch and see it from a better vantage point. I learned that things aren’t always better on the other side but that you wont know unless you try. I learned that being in the right place at the right time is sometimes as important as all the planning in the world.

I don’t just love wildlife and nature because they are pretty. I love it for the lessons it can teach me. I love it for the time it gives me to reflect and ponder. My husband has patiently taken me back to Yellowstone every year since this visit and I feel like it is ever changing and ever teaching. I have a soft spot because of this first visit we had there together but it’s not just Yellowstone filled with lessons, they are everywhere we are open to learning them.

Personal Post? Yep.

I told you, with this new website, you are going to get a taste of it all. I’m intentional in my blogging. That’s not to say that I have anything of value to say or that I will say anything well. What I mean my that is that I am intentionally making myself post a blog post every single week ( ideally twice). Some weeks are crazy around here and honestly I either forget to bring the camera along, or I make the decision to leave it behind and focus on what we are doing. Other weeks we sort just do regular stuff like chores and argue and stuff, what is there to post then? So, basically I decided that I would find something, I would push through and write what was on my mind or just about regular boring stuff like chores if I had to. The reason? Well I don’t live in a fantasy world and probably you don’t either. We live in regular, sometimes boring, sometimes exciting, and mostly average ways. However, I think that knowing that other people are sort of on your same path makes it a little easier to keep walking if things get tough. So here I am.

This week is sort of a big deal in our family. We have a daughter who is turning 8 and in our faith, that is the age she can choose to become a baptized member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It’s a big milestone and opens up a lot of opportunities for her in the future if she stays faithful to the things she commits to during the process.

The whole week obviously has be thinking on a more spiritual level ( probably one that I should always be on but. again, I’m being real and it just isn’t always like that around here, at least not for me). The lyrics to a song that our congregations occasionally sing keeps playing in my head. It’s called: “Have I Done Any Good” and the first verse goes like this:

“Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone's burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?”

Text and music: Will L. Thompson, 1847-1909, alt.

Part of what my sweet girl will be promising at her baptism is to do just this and to look for chances to share her light with others and to lift their loads. I can’t say that I am excelling at this but I want to. I want to do better and help others and be the good that seems so hidden these days.

My post today, maybe isn’t even for you a much as it is for me as a reminder that I have something to give. We all do. That others are in need of help and kindness. We all are. So feel free to join me in committing, or recommitting to being a more caring individual who looks for opportunities to serve others out of love, not pity. Children are beautiful examples of this. Any my sweet little girl is about the best there is at looking for ways to “cheer up the sad and make someone feel glad”. Here is to being a better version of me next week.

Fear or Discomfort?

Summer months get hot here, like really hot. We aren’t talking Death Valley but to be over 100 degrees here is pretty expected and no one local is shocked when it’s 110. Needless to say we are always looking for some cool water or shady mountain trail once summer hits. The problem? Well, for starters we live in a desert. It’s dry and there aren’t places around every corner to dip your toes in. Second, everyone is looking to do the same thing so lakes and rivers get crowded quickly.

I’m not sure if I’d say I’m and introvert, but I absolutely prefer quiet to noise and calm to a storm. I’d personally take sitting in my house at 100 degrees to sitting at the lake with 1000 people. Large groups make me uncomfortable, and cranky to be honest. I get really edgy and snappy which is no fun for anyone. Hearing 30 conversations going on at once is like a race to the finish line that I can’t seem to finish. Here is where the fear comes in, I know that this will be the outcome and so I fear going into situations and ruining the fun for everyone.

Because it’s uncomfortable for me and because I’m afraid of it, I usually try to avoid busy places. I go on weekdays if my kids are dying to head to a popular place. If I have my choice we find somewhere that is not as popular or that requires a permit to limit the amount of people. Finding new trails is very uncomfortable for me because I love to be in control and know what to expect. Finding new trails is not however scary to me. I like the idea that I will see new things and fill my soul with excitement and adventure. There is a difference between fear and being uncomfortable. I grow from discomfort and I suffer in fear.

There is a trend of underwater photography going around. I love it. It’s beautiful and fun and takes a skill set that I only wish I had. However, I don’t put my face underwater if I can handle it. I hate it. It hurts, and it’s majorly scary to me. I know logically I wont die ( especially in my above ground pool I can stand up in ) but that doesn’t change the feeling that I might. So, you wont be seeing any of that gorgeous photography from me because it’s painful and I don’t see any reason that my life would be better if I overcome that fear ( Im in my 40’s, I have plenty of other things to work on. Swimming underwater will have to be skipped over for another life time) will make me a better person.

However, as my kiddos swam around today I thought long and hard about how much I don’t like to swim like a fish as they do but I do like other things and so I decided to focus on that. I’m going to find something uncomfortable but worth getting out of my comfort zone for. I’m going to look for a new experience or adventure and see what I can learn from it. Here goes a challenge to anyone reading this……find something uncomfortable and do it this week! Let me know in the comments what it is, or even what you are afraid of…do you see a need to overcome it or are you just going to ride it out like me :) ?

Time Travel

I don’t feel like I travel a ton, mostly because there is a never ending list of places that I long to go. My house would disagree and longs for me to stay home long enough to get caught back up on all the laundry, dishes, yard work and so on. Luckily for me, my house isn’t a “smart” house and doesn’t talk so I just keep booking our next trip. I have places like Yellowstone and Grand Tetons that I want to “swing by” if we are within 5 hours of it and find it hard to not make it there if we are that close. I have other places like Alaska that I have never been to but feel like I need at least and entire month to go explore so I keep putting it off. The point is, I’m always planning. or planning to plan, our next adventure. So, we do travel more than the average family. My kids sort of don’t think they are as lucky as I think they are but they have been a lot of places most kids their ages haven’t. I hope that someday they find the value in it and appreciate all the long hours in the car.

We don’t travel first class. We try to camp almost everywhere we go. It’s almost always a road trip and rarely a flight. I don’t have a fear of flying but i do have a very real fear of missing something super awesome along the trip that we wont see high in the air. My husband is a great team player and drives everywhere we go, he knows I don’t love it and so he willingly and graciously takes the wheel. . That means I get shotgun on some of the best tours in the world. When I grow up I dream of having one of those fancy RV’s and just taking off with no time constraints. I want all the time in world to just see it all.

The world is so full of unique and amazing things. This image for example, I took it and didn’t love it. I thought it was totally missing something, maybe it is. I didn’t fall in love with Saguaro National Park while we were there. In fact I recall saying I probably wouldn’t put it on my “if we are within 5 hours” list. We saw it, it was interesting for a minute but that was good for me. However, the more I look at this and other image from our trip, the more I want to go back and think this image is exactly what I saw there. The sunsets were amazing and the cactus were intense. I’m a huge wildlife fan so I sort of travel to places that I know I have a good shot of seeing something wild. We didn’t see a whole lot of animals and my goal to see a javelina just didn’t pan out. I was super disappointed. When we went, we mostly just saw the wild wild west….so dry and so hot. I think that i misjudged it a bit.

I think I’ve learned ( or I’m at least in the process of learning ) a little, to stop expecting things to be anything and just hit the road with open eyes and ears and take in whatever it is that I can from each trip. I want to see the cactus and the ocean. I want to see snow and sand, birds and fish. I want to hear the river and feel the sun. I want to smell the pine trees or the blossoms and I want to be able to bring all those things back and share them with everyone.

I’m beyond blessed that I live where I can get to 3 different national parks if I drive 3 hours or less in a different direction. I have state parks all around me and basically a never ending supply of outdoor activities to keep me going. You may not be so lucky. So If you can’t take a vacation today, or don’t know where to start planning for your next adventure, know that I am here doing lots of ground work for you. I will be posting, hoping to inspire you to take some time to get out and explore nature. I hope my adventures lead to your adventures and that we can see the beauty that surrounds us everywhere.

Do you have a bucket list of places your would love to go? Are you planning any upcoming trips that you want to share with me and maybe inspire me? How about any suggestions of places I need to hit? Maybe, you have some tips for my upcoming trip to Rocky Mountain National Park and the other parks in Colorado? I want to hear them all, leave some comments below and lets travel the world together!

Motivation Monday

Are you like me? Do you dread Mondays? Ok here is the funny thing, I don’t have a 9-5 job Monday - Friday so you would think that I have no reason to dread it. The truth is, I shouldn’t hate it. Along my life journey over the last 9 years, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that even though I don’t have a good reason for something, or it doesn't make sense, it doesn’t mean I can’t still feel any certain way. I needed lots of will power to get up today, and some support from my amazing husband.

Most of you that have followed my journey know that I have struggled a lot with some mental health issues. I was very open about it when I first reached out for help. I’ve been much quieter about my path as I’ve started to feel better however, I don’t want to ever forget that there are people out that who battle their issues every single day. Today was a battle for me.

If you watch the news it seems like the whole world had gone up in flames ( literally ). If you get on social media it seems like no one, even the closest of friends can get along. It all seems so huge and yet so personal that I had almost forgotten that there are problems outside of that…..like in our own small circles and homes. My family has plenty of issues. I don’t know that any family who doesn’t. but add a blended family and 10 humans, it’s a given we will see plenty trials along our way.

So, we are going through some stuff and it made me think, how can I write anything that will be of value? I’m failing at life and I’m going to type some uplifting and inspiring message to help people see the world as a brighter place? See, it was a rough day. I got on my computer and thought about all the things I could write about….soooo much going on in my mind and yet I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I thought, I can just write about how I’m tired of the hate and just want everyone to love each other, or how I think we all ( and by all I mean most) want people to be happy and loved and safe. I could have taken any of those routes. I didn’t.

Today I just want to say how blessed I feel to have the family I do. Trials and all. How thankful I am that I have people who support me on every kind of day. I want to say that no matter if it’s the best day of your life or the hardest day, you have something to offer to all of us. You matter. My motivation today is to set a better example for my kiddos, and to push through good or bad and definitely the imperfect days. If you are going through some stuff in your personal life that seems like it’s trivial compared to world news, its not. It’s important and it’s valid and it’s ok to feel what you are feeling. Don’t misunderstand, I think we will all be held accountable for what we do with those feelings but we shouldn’t be made to feel guilty because we felt something. This world is filled with small you’s and me’s. Tiny families that extend into large communities. The world is made up of us so lets not forget to take care of each other and ourselves.

Happy Monday everyone!

Grand Teton

Change is tough for me personally to go through. We all come to points in our lives, education, relationships, profession and so on that we realize, we need to change something. I’m a firm believer that growth comes from change and that change always leads you on a journey.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and pondering during this “uncertain” time. The COVID-19 thing gave me a lot of really good time back, but when I have extra time, I think. A lot of time when I think, I worry. The beauty of nature helps calm those fears and brings me peace so I’ve spent a lot of time exploring and “being one with nature” ( what ever that means).

During the pasts few months I’ve really tried to figure out where I want Sarah Jackman Photography to head. How I wanted to proceed during the next few years. The more time I spent outside, the more things became clear about what I love to photograph and where I love to be.

I don’t love to be indoors. I don’t love to stand in a studio and play with controlled lighting. I do love nature. I love when I come around a corner and a massive Big Horn Ram is standing there strong and brave begging for me to capture it and show others. I love when I find that perfect lake spot at sunset and I even love thinking I’ve found it but the sun plays hard to get or the wind starts up and the lake is choppy. I love the unknown and uncontrollable aspect of nature.

Some honest truth, I struggle with anxiety and feel the need to control everything so that I don’t have to worry about more than I already do. When I have my lens and I’m on an adventure, I don’t feel that need to control it all and in fact look forward to the fact that I can’t. Nature has a way of setting me free.

So, here is to a new chapter in my photography career. I’m walking away from a huge part of my portrait sessions and finding myself looking for unknown trails, the smell of pine trees, and lots of the unexpected. Im traveling toward some new freedom for my soul and mind.

As I mentioned, I will be leaving “most” of my portrait sessions behind, but fear not ( ok, that’s sort of a joke since I worry more than any one I know ). I will still be happy to book clients who want their senior portraits, family pictures, or elopement photos taken in destinations with gorgeous landscapes. These sessions will be for the adventurers at heart and will be different than sessions I’ve held in the past. So, Im not leaving my love of people and the beauty I find in them, I’m just joining my two loves into one to create some magical memories for everyone involved.

Another huge change for me is that I’m combining all of my stuff in one spot. I will have blog post on all of life as I see fit to type about it. I’ve been taught over time that I needed to keep my business and my personal life separate. I’ve been told that to be successful, I need to stick to one thing and specialize in that ( i.e. only newborns, or weddings) I don’t even believe these things to be wrong in general, but they aren’t right for me. Why I shoot what I do, how I do, where I do, it’s all because of who I am and what I’ve experienced. It’s all part of me. I don’t want to be just a photographer, or just a mom, or just anything….I want to be all of everything I am.

I want to start having blog posts on everything from travel adventures to parenting adventures, probably not a lot about cooking adventures since quite frankly I’d rather eat out everyday than have to come up with an idea or dinner ( but you can probably count on a post about that too). Maybe one week I will type about sports, or social media or mental health. I want to be real and open and honest. I do so knowing (and having great anxiety) that my thoughts, experiences and opinions wont be the same as every one that reads it. I think that’s kind of awesome and hope that leads to healthy conversations and growth. If you ever have a topic you would like my thoughts on, feel free to email me @sarahjackmanphotography@gmail.com with your suggestions.

You know, a funny thing about nature is that change is almost on schedule but it doesn’t make it less brutal or less rewarding. The seasons bring on such amazing things from the cold icicles of winter, to spring when life starts its song and dance, into summer when the heat of day is almost too hard to bear and even the sand seems to crack, clear to the crisp color changes of fall….all so beautiful and breathtaking in their own way. This is a new season for me and I’m planing on finding every incredible thing about it along the way. Please join me on my journey.